Tripping Elephants

N.B. Although I am strongly against unbridled scientific research, and that the NewScientist article lends credibility to my viewpoint, all my comments are made in light vein and are NOT to be taken seriously. It is quite possible the Oklahoma scientists were onto something. I don't know. But we can't go around jamming needles into everything in the name of science unless we have an educated hunch. And it seems to me (again, I may be wrong) that Warren and his buddies were quite vague as to the whys of their experiment.

I recently read this article in a back-issue of NewScientist ('The whacko files' 3 November 2007):

“What happens if you give an elephant LSD?

Researchers solved this mystery on Friday 3 August 1962, when Warren Thomas, director of Lincoln Park Zoo in Oklahoma City, fired a cartridge-syringe containing 297 milligrams of LSD into Tusko the elephant. With Thomas were two colleagues from the University of Oklahoma School of Medicine, Louis Jolyon West and Chester M. Pierce.

The dose was about 3000 times what a human would typically take. Thomas, West and Pierce figured that if they were going to give an elephant LSD they'd better not give it too little. They later explained that the experiment was designed to find out if LSD would induce musth in an elephant- musth being a kind of temporary madness male elephants sometimes experience during which they become highly aggressive and secrete a sticky fluid from their temporal glands. One may also suspect a small element of ghoulish curiosity was involved.

Whatever the reason for the experiment, it almost immediately went awry. Tusko reacted as if he had been shot by a gun. He trumpeted around his pen for a few minutes and then keeled over. Horrified, the researchers tried to revive him with a variety of antipsychotics, but about an hour later he was dead. In an article published four months after the event (Science, vol 138, p 1100), the three scientists sheepishly concluded: “It appears that the elephant is highly sensitive to the effects of LSD.”

The experiment instantly made headlines. Faced with a public relations disaster, the scientists protested their innocence. They had not anticipated the elephant would die, they insisted. In their experience, LSD was a powerful hallucinogen but rarely fatal. West and Pierce helpfully noted that they themselves had previously taken the drug.

Thomas tried to find a silver lining. They had learned that LSD can be lethal to elephants. So perhaps, he mused, the drug could be used to destroy herds in countries where they are a problem. For some reason, his suggestion has never found any takers.”

This article had me tripping (pun intended) with laughter. I was awestruck. What in the name of science, could cause three otherwise sane scientists to inject a member of an endangered species with acid? Here's what I think:

'What happens if you give an elephant LSD?': Is this the length to which scientists go to win a Nobel prize? Take two completely random and unrelated things and combine them in the hope that they will discover the cure for cancer? Sure, it has worked before. For example, in 1804, Dr. Stubbins Ffirth of Philadelphia drank, injected in himself, dribbled in his eyes, and vapourised in a room he stayed in for 2 hours the vomit of a Yellow Fever patient, just to show that the disease wasn't contagious. He got a degree from U. Penn for his pains (He was dead wrong, Yellow Fever is dead contagious, but by mosquito, not by direct contact). But at least Dr. Stubbins had a hunch with some sort of scientific basis. The elephant episode is just too out of the hat. Like the fact I keep reading every week in a children's magazine; chocolate kills dogs. Now who thought up that one? Maybe we should repeat the experiment with different brands of chocolate. Does Lindt kill faster than the much cheaper Cadbury? Kit Kat's slogan comes to mind: 'Have a break'. In this case, a permanent one. Though there is something to be said of this experiment. We could use this strategy to eliminate rabid dog populations in a humane way (mmm...creamy, smooth, nutty...*drops dead*)

'Researchers solved this mystery...': Mystery eh? Like the mystery of what cyanide tastes like (The scientist drinking some died before he could finish jotting down the flavour on a piece of paper, only managing an 'S' before it got to him. Sweet, sour, salty, s**tty? It remains a 'mystery' to this day. Not sure, but I think the story's an urban legend. Proves my point anyway). The way the article makes it sound, it seems they finally found out where the Loch Ness monster, Elvis and D.B. Cooper are hiding. Like it's something we have wanted to find out all our lives (How much does it take to get an elephant completely incapacitated? Man, we gotta try it out on Anarkali next week at Qasim's party! Oh wait, she died. Darn it, the cocaine injecting researchers got to her before we could.) Like it's something that has given sleepless nights to scientists for years (Forget the origin of the universe, let's get Jumbo high!)

'...3 August 1962...': Okay, at least this explains why they chose LSD. It was the swinging 60's for God's sake! Beatlemania! Woodstock! Charles Manson! Keeping in pace with the times. Which makes me shudder, what would they have done today? Suicide-vests on squirrels?

'...the experiment was designed to find out if LSD would induce musth in an elephant...': For my reader, male elephants get musth in the mating season. They become aggressive so they can send a clear message to the other boys that no one lays a trunk on Jumbolina Jolie. Just a thought: Shouldn't they have tried testosterone first?

'Tusko reacted as if he had been shot by a gun.': Really? Maybe if the LSD hadn't got him some musth aggression, the sensation of a tranquilizer needle in the rump surely would have.

'The drugs could be used to destroy herds in countries where they are a problem.': Like the animal rights folks would take it well (Save the acid! Oh, and the elephants too). Besides, isn't a live bullet a better idea? But I suppose, if you want the elephant to die in a state of bliss... (I see pink butterflies and hippos in tuxedos...*Drops dead*)

Excuse me while I go find some squirrels to put suicide-vests on. I have a strong feeling I'm onto something big. A cure for AIDS, I think.