NB: This isn't anti-Indian rhetoric. God forbid. I love everything about India,
except its politics and film industry, which coincidentally are the
only 2 things I hate about Pakistan as well.
Oh, and spoiler alert for Gunday and Hansi Tou Phansi.
Saw my first 2 Indian movies (Gunday and Hansi Tou Phansi) last night after I stopped being a Shahrukh Khan fan at the age of 5 (not counting 3 idiots and taare zameen par, the latter being one of my all time fav films).
Lessons learnt:
1. Romance attracts rain. Thar currently does not require aid, but a large group of hormonally charged Indians. I swear it rained four times minimum in the film
2. All Indian actors are over the top thespians. She's not just gonna cry when he says he's marrying his sister, she's gonna trigger the next Noah's flood. Again, send to Thar.
3. The storyline is predictable. I predicted that the girl will be shot. She was. My friend predicted that he'll marry the other woman. He did. He also predicted, it would rain right after that. It did. Break some hearts in Thar.
4. They could be chasing one another through sandy desert, they could be tumbling out of a coal car. Irrespective, they will have their hair moussed just right.
5. Never close your top 2 buttons, regardless of clothing or gender. If you're wearing dungarees, cut a V-neck into it if you must. I don't care how it looks but it must be done. If you're wearing a turtle/polo-neck, they must go!
6. She can be ridiculously quirky, aloof, weird, non-sugghar, depressed, too-liberal-for-Indian-culture-and-oh-my-God-how-will-she-find-a-husband etc. Irrespective, once he accidentally stumbles into her and flashes the pecs beneath those strategically open top 2 buttons, she'll realize she doesn't want a career after all. And once she sees him dancing in the rain, well then, you can bet your saas-ki-chachi-ki-dewranikay-kay-potay's rear end her rotis will be very round.
7. Why is everybody so unbelievably rude to each other?
8. Overall less nudity than Western films, but they still exude this coarse, vulgar sexuality which makes you leave the film feeling like you just saw an after-school-special made for the sake of being an after-school-special. Then you justify it to yourself by saying, hey, at least it wasn't a Punjabi film.
And yes, before you're the 104th person to tell me this, I know I'll love Munnna Bhai because I'm in medicine and it's hilarious yada yada.
Oh, and spoiler alert for Gunday and Hansi Tou Phansi.
Saw my first 2 Indian movies (Gunday and Hansi Tou Phansi) last night after I stopped being a Shahrukh Khan fan at the age of 5 (not counting 3 idiots and taare zameen par, the latter being one of my all time fav films).
Lessons learnt:
1. Romance attracts rain. Thar currently does not require aid, but a large group of hormonally charged Indians. I swear it rained four times minimum in the film
2. All Indian actors are over the top thespians. She's not just gonna cry when he says he's marrying his sister, she's gonna trigger the next Noah's flood. Again, send to Thar.
3. The storyline is predictable. I predicted that the girl will be shot. She was. My friend predicted that he'll marry the other woman. He did. He also predicted, it would rain right after that. It did. Break some hearts in Thar.
4. They could be chasing one another through sandy desert, they could be tumbling out of a coal car. Irrespective, they will have their hair moussed just right.
5. Never close your top 2 buttons, regardless of clothing or gender. If you're wearing dungarees, cut a V-neck into it if you must. I don't care how it looks but it must be done. If you're wearing a turtle/polo-neck, they must go!
6. She can be ridiculously quirky, aloof, weird, non-sugghar, depressed, too-liberal-for-Indian-culture-and-oh-my-God-how-will-she-find-a-husband etc. Irrespective, once he accidentally stumbles into her and flashes the pecs beneath those strategically open top 2 buttons, she'll realize she doesn't want a career after all. And once she sees him dancing in the rain, well then, you can bet your saas-ki-chachi-ki-dewranikay-kay-potay's rear end her rotis will be very round.
7. Why is everybody so unbelievably rude to each other?
8. Overall less nudity than Western films, but they still exude this coarse, vulgar sexuality which makes you leave the film feeling like you just saw an after-school-special made for the sake of being an after-school-special. Then you justify it to yourself by saying, hey, at least it wasn't a Punjabi film.
And yes, before you're the 104th person to tell me this, I know I'll love Munnna Bhai because I'm in medicine and it's hilarious yada yada.
3 comments:
hahaha love it
/7. Why is everybody so unbelievably rude to each other? /
I laughed out loud at this because it is so appropriate yet so unnoticed. Literally no one has ever made that comment before in my hearing and yet I swear, that is actually an issue with these movies.
Talent is my country never ceases to surprise me... Your humor wrapped in sarcasm is outstanding and refreshing...! :)
Also I'd like you to check out some of my writings...
@ sweetescapefromplastic.blogspot.com
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