If I Were a Superhero...

Compiled by 2 friends (Raja Samir and Bilal Hasan) and I,

If I were the Hulk:

1. Despite the remonstrations of the censors, all pieces of my clothing would rip when I'd go green,
2. I would do steroids just to see what would happen,
3. Chuck Norris would take lessons from me,
4. My turn-ons on Shaadi.com would include Gamma radiation, bad drivers and people who ask too many questions (Geddit?)
5. I would be the Old Spice guy,
6. I'd roller skate on Hummers,
7. I'd be a pretty crappy spy.

If I were Superman:

1. My underwear would be on the INSIDE,
2. Red and blue would be the colours of my sidekick (I'll see if I can borrow that pimple-faced Robin) and I'd wear green and silver instead (so there's no mixup over who's alpha male),
3. Ironman would be my ride even though we both know I very well know how to fly,
4. Bahadurabad's mashoor gola ganda would be my Kryptonite (even a superhero can contract Hepatitis),
5. Too avoid any confusion and awkward glances, I'd replace the 'S' with its full form, Stare-and-scream-idiocies-like-it's-a-bird! (How will I fit it all on my shirt? Look, it's a fist!)
6. I'd lobby to get planes banned. Darn roadhogs.