Of Quantum Suicide and World Cup Cricket

I've always been passionate about physics. From the sciences we study in high school (Math, Chemistry, Biology, Physics), it's always been my favourite. Sure there are aspects of Biology (medicine) and Math (Statistics and Probability) that interest me more than physics as a whole, but as a subject overall, one can't beat physics. Why do I love physics? Because it's the science that chemistry and biology are ultimately based on. Something on a macro level, like why male pigeons puff their chests out to attract mates (biology) can be explained by reactions in the brain (chemistry) which can be explained by the movement of atoms (physics). Sure, at an even more basic level is math, but physics is the link between math and everything else. Physics is math with real world applications. Whereas in math, you can invent 10-dimensional spaces and go gung ho with the abstract, there is an unwritten requirement in physics to 'keep it real'. Every idea in physics must be matched with a real life phenomenon. Physics allows me to look around me and make sense of the beauty of everything I see at the most basic level. Why does the ball I kick into the air come back down? Why do I see a rainbow when Iight strikes soapy water? Physics explains it all.
This is why in school, I'd always go the extra mile for the subject. For everything else, I'd stick to the prescribed course. But for physics, I would use Wikipedia, Youtube, the works. Yet there is a branch of physics that has always stumped me. Despite all my attempts it's comprehension lies just outside my reach. My attempts to understand it is like the tide. The waves come crashing noisily onto the beach. They try their best to make it as inland as possible but they always seem to recede back to the sea right before they reach their goal. Almost…but not quite (Forgive my attempt at poetry). I refer to that branch of physics which everybody knows of but knows nothing about; that branch made famous by Einstein- Quantum Physics.
After working my rear end to make some semblance of this highly abstract branch of physics (almost entirely based on mathematics and thought experiments), I gave up. However, a recent event in the country has forced me, now a medical student, to revisit this sordid area of physics. It's no Rocket Science. Believe me, it's worse.
I'm not a cricket fan. I'm not a die-hard Pakistan fan either (as a child, I supported West Indies over Pakistan because i identified more with their skin colour than with my country). Big Brother, if he existed (no, conspiracy theorists, The freemasons haven't learnt mind reading yet), would go as far as accusing me of thought treason. The truth is, I'm just not a nationalist. But that's another blogpost.
Anyway, back to my story. Despite my ideals, pakistan still has a special place in my heart. After all, 19 years in the same country has to have some effect. So when I saw Pakistan lose to India in the semis, when I saw everyone around me looking like they'd just returned from a funeral, when I saw a dejected Shahid Afridi walking to the Pakistan team dugout after the loss, when I had to put up with all the loser talk on twitter that night (Remember guys, it's the journey that counts, not the result #nevermindpaks), I felt I had to do something. Throughout the match, I had been shouting at the batsmen to 'Run, Forrest, Run!', knowing fully well they couldn't hear me. It was the most helpless feeling in the world. I wanted to make my friends happy again. i wanted us to believe again. *breaks into 'I Believe I can Fly'*
And out of the blue, some things I'd read about long ago online called Quantum Suicide and the Many Worlds theory sprang to my mind.
So what exactly is Quantum Physics? I'm not sure, but it involves subatomic particles. And I do know this about subatomic particles. They are all around us in everything. Even light is made of photons, which are subatomic particles, that have no mass (yes, they don't weigh anything!). Stuff is made of atoms which are made of (among other subatomic particles) electrons. As scientists, we want to study them, for some reasons that I'm sure are pretty valid. Now the biggest problem in doing so, indeed the biggest problem of quantum physics, is the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, named after, you guessed it, Mr. Heisenberg. Basically, it means that if you want to measure some aspect of a subatomic particle, you can't. Why? Because, you'll need light to see the subatomic particle. But light itself is made up of subatomic particles. And if a subatomic particle from light hits the subatomic particle you're measuring, it will move. And you want it to stay still so you can measure it. Never going to happen. Makes sense? probably not. it took me years to get it.
For example, scientists discovered that light has both, properties of waves and particles. How can that be? Waves are intangible, particles are tangible. When we carry out experiments to prove light is a wave, it is a wave. When we carry out experiments to prove light is a particle, it is a particle. So what is it? Is it both? Is it one? Does it change depending on the conditions we provide it with in experiments? Or is it something else altogether? And we can't really prove what it is. Why? The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, that's why.
Since we can't prove it by experimentation, scientists carry out thought experiments. Many have been proposed, such as the Copenhagen Interpretation of the following thought experiment, but I will only discuss the one our country needs the most in its current state: the Many Worlds interpretation of Quantum Physics.
Let's say a man wants to commit suicide. He has a gun and points it to himself. Now this gun is special. It's a sort of twisted Russian Roulette gun. It is attached to a subatomic particle. The particle will either spin clockwise or anticlockwise. The rules of the suicide dictate that if it is spinning clockwise, the man will die when he fires (Man, physicists are real pervs). If it is spinning anticlockwise, the man will live as the gun will just click when he fires. This will keep happening until the time the particle decides to change its mind- and spin.  So it has a fifty percent chance of firing and fifty percent chance of not firing on each shot.
Layman's sense (notice I don't use the word common sense) and some interpretations of quantum physics dictate that he either survives or doesn't on each click. But not the Many Worlds interpretation, nossir. That says that whenever the man pulls the trigger, the universe actually splits into two to accommodate both result. Why? I didn't get that part. So there is a parallel universe where he is dead, and a parallel universe where he is clicking away. You, as an observer watching the experiment only see one. But both have happened.
And therein lies the emancipation of the Pakistani man/woman. This post and complete waste of your time is dedicated to all my fellow countrymen who were glued to their screens on Wednesday. There. I've finally got around to my point.
Therefore, by the above postulations, in some parallel universe, Pakistan has won the world cup and its citizens have been winning the Colgate best smile award for the past 10 years. Unfortunately, in other parallel universes, so have all the other cricketing nations. And in some universe, I've climbed Mount Everest in record time, discovered a cure for halitosis and married a supermodel, in that order. Heck, in some parallel universe, I've married you.



(I would like to dedicate this article to every Pakistani man and woman, as well as my buddy Kaka, who will probably be the only one to understand this article)