Analyze this!

AKU makes all its students meet the school counsellor once a year, to ensure that our noggins are fit as fiddles. First years have to take some psych tests before meeting the counsellor, an extremely delightful and ever-smiling lady. The following is an excerpt from my interview with her:
(P)sychologist: Soooo...What do you think of girls?
(M)e: *Baffled look* Ummm... What do you mean?
P: Do you like them?
(Tread carefully here, Faysal. These shrinks start off all blue-eyed but then descend to prove that you have an Oedipus Complex.)
M: Of course!
P: How much?
M: A lot.
P: Haan, but how much?
M: Like a lot a lot.
P: Why?
M: *Incredulous look* Why?
(Because they're there. Duh.)
P: Yes, why do you think you like girls so much?
M: Oh. That's easy. Hormones, of course. Plenty of them.
P: Hahahaha. I know that, but why?
(Because when a Papa bird meets and likes a Mama bird... Darnit, what does she want from me? The birds and the bees talk? A class on the four F's? I thought we weren't allowed to question evolutionary biology anymore! )
M: Because...
P:Acha, so tell me what kind of girls do you like?
(This must be a trick question. What am I supposed to say? Redheads, Blondes, Brunettes? Or do I be more graphic? I've heard these psychologists love it when you get all Freudian. Someone "untie" me from this chair and get me out of here!)
M:What do you mean?
(That's right, keep playing dumb.)
P: Ok, do you like introverts or extroverts?
M: Oh. Right. Uhh, introverts i guess.
P: Yes, I thought you'd say that. So Faysal, I'm sure a guy like you has had tons of girlfriends over the past.
(Are you kidding me, woman? Moi and the Ladies? Itchy and Scratchy got along better!)
M: Haha. Yeah right. I wish.
P: Come on, you must have had at least one.
(Not counting the lovely and unfortunately always-getting-conveniently-

deported-whenever-my-friends-ask-me-to-introduce-her-to-them Ivanka, the exotic Czech exchange student.)
M: Nope, not even one.
P: Why not?
M: Because it's not allowed in Islam
(Or at least that's how I console myself)
P: Ok, here's a scenario: what if there was one girl out there who said, 'Bas mujhe Faysal chahiye'. And she let you know that. What would you do?
(Well, then that girl is probably from a cannibalistic tribe on an island in the South Pacific yet to be discovered by the outside world. Or is that too much to hope for?)
M: Ma'am, the possibility of that is so remote, It's never crossed my mind.
P: But how would you deal with such a situation, if it ever did arise?
(Just then, the ruling Junta of neurons in my brain's logic centre immediately quashed any talk of a revolution by the freethinking neurons in the imagination centre. Or as they were better known: 'those damn hippies'. *Insert any '1984' or 'Farenheit 451' quote here*)
M: I don't think my mind comprehends such a possibility.
(That's right, repeat that in your best robot voice.)
P: I see. Dekho Faysal, my report says that you think too much about girls.
M: Alhamdulillah-wait, that's a good thing right?
P: No.
M: Oh.
P: So stop it.
M: Ok.
P: Did you hear me?
M: *Snaps out of it* Sorry, I think I was day dreaming there. Thinking about a fantasy date I'll be having later today with a girl from a cannibalistic tribe on an island in the South Pacific yet to be discovered by the outside world.

With the exception of the last two lines, which are just plain wishful thinking, all of the above conversation is true, word for word.
It's one thing knowing you're virile (to be politically correct). And it's  completely another thing being told so by someone with a Bachelor's degree who specializes in identifying such traits. After all, that was the take-home message, wasn't it?

Sex vs. Darwin

This post has almost nothing to do with what the title suggests. Now, there are two types of people in the world. Those who have left this post after reading the first sentence, since they now know that this post is NOT what they were originally hunting for when they opened their web browsers. And those like you, my dear readers who are still reading.
Tell me, did you click the link because of the title? Made ya look, didn't I? Evidently so, considering you're still reading this. To screwquote Malcolm X:
"My fellow Bloggers! You've been Had! Hoodwinked! Bamboozled! You didn't land on Faysy's blog! Faysy's blog...landed on you!" (It's eerie how much Malcolm X and black orators in general sound like Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch on paper)

Don't hum and haw. Don't be embarrassed. Don't hide your bruised ego. You subconsciously (or consciously; I'm cool with that) fell for the oldest trick in the book, one the media and those in the business of preying on the gazillion insecurities of men and women use all the time. Ray William Johnson, Shane Dawson etc. use this cheap method to garner more views on Youtube (hint: check out their videos' thumbnails and titles). And now, so am I (But this blatant exploitation is the subject of a future rant).
Irritated enough? Now let me fire my second exasperating salvo. Allow me to sound unintentionally condescending:
Your body is made up of many types of cells (billions of little things that you're made of). One of these cell types is the Red blood cell (found in, you guessed it, blood). Red blood cells are what make blood red (again, you guessed it). This is because they contain red pigment called haemoglobin, that binds to oxygen in the lungs and carries it around your body to deliver it to the parts that need it, simply put. Haemoglobin is made of 4 protein chains of two types, alpha and beta (2 of each). An inherited deficiency in any of these causes a disease called thalassemia. But before I go further, a 101 on genes. Genes are the "things" in your cells' DNA (which is the stuff that makes you who you are) that code for characteristics in your body like eye colour, sex (that's gender, you perv) and among other things, the alpha and beta haemoglobin chains. And each characteristic is coded by an EVEN number of 'alleles' (minimum 2). Half your alleles are from your mom and half from your dad. When the alleles combine, they make you. Regarding haemoglobin chains (which depend on 4 alleles for Alpha and 2 for Beta), the number of defective alleles will correspond to the level of thalassemia you have. i.e.
a) 1 or 2 Alpha alleles defective: not a big problem. Chances are you'll go through life without noticing it. Max you'll get breathless easily.
b) 3 alpha Alleles defective: major problem. You'll need regular blood transfusions your whole life. Sadly, such patients also have a shortened lifespan.
c) 4 alpha Alleles defective: you wouldn't be reading this. You would have died as a fetus, WAY before you were born, shortly after you were conceived.
d) 1 Beta allele defective: See a)
e) 2 Beta alleles defective: See b)
Which brings me to the main thrust of my post. I'm not an evolutionist in the popular sense. Alhamdulillah, I'm a creationist through and through. But I do admit, evolution in some forms can and probably has occurred (not as far as a whole new species being created though). The whole thalassemia case would be an example of natural selection and "survival of the fittest", to use Darwin's indelicate terminology. people with cases b) and e) are severely ill their whole lives. Most of the time, they expire early, don't usually marry and rarely, if ever, have children. Which leaves us with cases a) and d) they usually don't know that they are carriers of the disease. They live long lives, marry and procreate. Which is great Alhamdulillah (considering I am one of these people), but leads to a tiny problem. If they marry and procreate with another case a) or d), well, that's how cases b) and e) are born. To avoid this, before marriage and/or procreation, couples are advised to get their DNA tested for defects so that their children don't suffer from the disease. As society gets more educated, more people will learn to get their partners tested (which sucks for me, since I can't fall in love until and unless I've got the girl-of-my-dreams' blood tested, which elicits the necessity of backup girls-of-my-dreams). This will lead to a decrease in thalassemia patients and ultimately (barring the discovery of a cure for the disease, for which I, and ladies everywhere I'm sure, pray fervently) the elimination of the disease from the face of the earth. That's evolution for you. The weeding out of the disease.

Who am I kidding? Lust is a force to be reckoned with. People will continue to make babies, thalassemia or not. Abstinence is for monks. Nuts, Darwin.

P.S. As a reward for your patience, I've left it till the end to let the title make some sense.
P.P.S. If this ends up in my popular posts widget, my little social experiment will be validated.