The footballing world is abuzz with transfer speculation, surprise signings, scandal and big money. And Faysy's Blog is up there with the Sun in giving you the latest skinny (Wink! Wink!). Here's some of the stuff going on that only we know about (So remember, you heard it here first!):
After Arsenal resigned club legend Henry and Manchester United resigned club legend Paul Scholes, West Ham United boss Sam Allardyce releases a statement exclusively to Faysy's Blog saying that he was considering resigning their club legend Carlos Tevez. In a matter of minutes, an angry mob gathered outside Upton Park chanting, "Judas! Judas!" and threatened to burn Allardyce's house down if he did sign the controversial Argentine. A hastily worded statement was promptly released: 'Oops. Apparently I was unaware of some vital club history. Awkwarrrd."
After the returns of Gunner talismanic striker Thierry Henry and United old boy Paul Scholes to their respective former clubs, Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish is considering jumping onto the bandwagon of signing legends to pull clubs out of pickles by considering the unprecedented move of resigning himself (pun intended) to Liverpool for the rest of his life. In an exclusive interview with Faysy's blog the witty Scotsman revealed why:
"Wellluh, we've got one white elephant of a striker who only scores in the FA coop against Mickey Mouse sides (no offence meant) and another who puns on the 'N-word' and will land himself in gaol (forgive the pun) one of these days if he's not careful. So I figure, if it all works out for Manchester Uni'ed and Arsenal, why not sign meself? After all, the last time we won the league was when I was player-manager. Heck, I'm desperate."
After Liverpool's misfiring Andy Carroll finally ended his goal drought via an FA cup goal against Oldham Athletic, Chelsea boss AVB is rumoured to be lining up a record 80-million-pound deal for the pony-tailed striker. Harvard Professor of Psychology and fashionista Sean Avery claims that it is not Liverpool's sloppy seconds that Chelsea have a strange affinity for. According to him, "That would make no sense. An oft-overlooked fact that stares at us right in the face (literally) is that Chelsea in an effort to distract its fans from its boring football makes a conscious effort to sign players with interesting haircuts. Please remember that a season ago, Mario Balotelli had been backup in case the Torres deal didn't fall through (http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/836006-mario-balotelli-in-chelsea-manchester-city-transfer-battle). Forget that- David Luiz anyone?"
Just hours ago, QPR manager Neil Warnock shook the footballing world in an exclusive interview with Faysy's Blog. He said that as a long term replacement for Joey Barton, he is considering buying American boxing legend Mike Tyson. Says the wily Warnock, "Heck, I say that if the player's got to be sent off, he might as well take the other guy's ear with him, put him on the sidelines for months, maybe even years!"
In an exclusive interview with Faysy's Blog, Real Madrid's headline-grabbing manager Jose Mourinho has struck upon a brand new strategy to deal with his club's bad form against Catalan club and rivals Barcelona; he will stop believing in their existence. Says the outspoken Jose, "This is unprecedented, unparalleled, revolutionary method of dealing with any club. They say that if you ignore problem long enough, it goes away. Fantastic." When asked if this bold move could be interpreted by Barca as throwing in the towel, the effervescent manager retorted: "Shut up Faysy! Absolutely not. The atheists do it everyday and no one calls them cowards. Be champions."
Former Tottenham, Portsmouth, Villa, Southampton, Liverpool and current Stoke City striker Peter Crouch is rumoured to be yet again in the hunt for a new club. Clubs reported to be interested include Crystal Palace, Chelsea, Manchester City and the Dallas Mavericks.
Injury-prone Manchester City midfielder Owen Hargreaves took some time out from his R&R at the Etihad Stadium to talk to us via webcam about his career (or lack of one), injuries and that one time when he wasn't injured for a whole consecutive 2 months. An excerpt from the interview:
"Q. So Owen, how have you been keeping busy during your time on the sidelines?
A. Well Faysy, I'm good at two things: football and putting up Youtube videos of myself, and I'm not so sure about the former. Frankly, I've never been on the pitch long enough for me to see if I am good at the sport. Since I'm good with Youtube and have a lot of time to spare, I've uploaded a few videos of myself performing brain surgery. They're short videos, since I usually have to switch off the webcam and make myself scarce whenever I hear security making its rounds of the hospital I'm at. I'm hoping hospitals will see the videos and hire me.
Q. Any success so far?
A. Not really, with the exception of a university in Pakistan which claims to be the 'Harvard of the East'. Dunno, seems fishy."
In completely unrelated news: Hospitals around the UK have stepped up security after a string of murders in their ICUs. Comatose patients were found with their heads severely mutilated. Police have no leads except some eyewitnesses who claim they saw a man in a blue shirt and a limp hobbling away from the crime scene.
In other news: Manchester City in its attempt to finally achieve World Peace, has bought the US 2012 elections.
This just in: QPR manager Neil Warnock fired for comments made to Faysy's Blog.
After Arsenal resigned club legend Henry and Manchester United resigned club legend Paul Scholes, West Ham United boss Sam Allardyce releases a statement exclusively to Faysy's Blog saying that he was considering resigning their club legend Carlos Tevez. In a matter of minutes, an angry mob gathered outside Upton Park chanting, "Judas! Judas!" and threatened to burn Allardyce's house down if he did sign the controversial Argentine. A hastily worded statement was promptly released: 'Oops. Apparently I was unaware of some vital club history. Awkwarrrd."
After the returns of Gunner talismanic striker Thierry Henry and United old boy Paul Scholes to their respective former clubs, Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish is considering jumping onto the bandwagon of signing legends to pull clubs out of pickles by considering the unprecedented move of resigning himself (pun intended) to Liverpool for the rest of his life. In an exclusive interview with Faysy's blog the witty Scotsman revealed why:
"Wellluh, we've got one white elephant of a striker who only scores in the FA coop against Mickey Mouse sides (no offence meant) and another who puns on the 'N-word' and will land himself in gaol (forgive the pun) one of these days if he's not careful. So I figure, if it all works out for Manchester Uni'ed and Arsenal, why not sign meself? After all, the last time we won the league was when I was player-manager. Heck, I'm desperate."
After Liverpool's misfiring Andy Carroll finally ended his goal drought via an FA cup goal against Oldham Athletic, Chelsea boss AVB is rumoured to be lining up a record 80-million-pound deal for the pony-tailed striker. Harvard Professor of Psychology and fashionista Sean Avery claims that it is not Liverpool's sloppy seconds that Chelsea have a strange affinity for. According to him, "That would make no sense. An oft-overlooked fact that stares at us right in the face (literally) is that Chelsea in an effort to distract its fans from its boring football makes a conscious effort to sign players with interesting haircuts. Please remember that a season ago, Mario Balotelli had been backup in case the Torres deal didn't fall through (http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/836006-mario-balotelli-in-chelsea-manchester-city-transfer-battle). Forget that- David Luiz anyone?"
Just hours ago, QPR manager Neil Warnock shook the footballing world in an exclusive interview with Faysy's Blog. He said that as a long term replacement for Joey Barton, he is considering buying American boxing legend Mike Tyson. Says the wily Warnock, "Heck, I say that if the player's got to be sent off, he might as well take the other guy's ear with him, put him on the sidelines for months, maybe even years!"
In an exclusive interview with Faysy's Blog, Real Madrid's headline-grabbing manager Jose Mourinho has struck upon a brand new strategy to deal with his club's bad form against Catalan club and rivals Barcelona; he will stop believing in their existence. Says the outspoken Jose, "This is unprecedented, unparalleled, revolutionary method of dealing with any club. They say that if you ignore problem long enough, it goes away. Fantastic." When asked if this bold move could be interpreted by Barca as throwing in the towel, the effervescent manager retorted: "Shut up Faysy! Absolutely not. The atheists do it everyday and no one calls them cowards. Be champions."
Former Tottenham, Portsmouth, Villa, Southampton, Liverpool and current Stoke City striker Peter Crouch is rumoured to be yet again in the hunt for a new club. Clubs reported to be interested include Crystal Palace, Chelsea, Manchester City and the Dallas Mavericks.
Injury-prone Manchester City midfielder Owen Hargreaves took some time out from his R&R at the Etihad Stadium to talk to us via webcam about his career (or lack of one), injuries and that one time when he wasn't injured for a whole consecutive 2 months. An excerpt from the interview:
"Q. So Owen, how have you been keeping busy during your time on the sidelines?
A. Well Faysy, I'm good at two things: football and putting up Youtube videos of myself, and I'm not so sure about the former. Frankly, I've never been on the pitch long enough for me to see if I am good at the sport. Since I'm good with Youtube and have a lot of time to spare, I've uploaded a few videos of myself performing brain surgery. They're short videos, since I usually have to switch off the webcam and make myself scarce whenever I hear security making its rounds of the hospital I'm at. I'm hoping hospitals will see the videos and hire me.
Q. Any success so far?
A. Not really, with the exception of a university in Pakistan which claims to be the 'Harvard of the East'. Dunno, seems fishy."
In completely unrelated news: Hospitals around the UK have stepped up security after a string of murders in their ICUs. Comatose patients were found with their heads severely mutilated. Police have no leads except some eyewitnesses who claim they saw a man in a blue shirt and a limp hobbling away from the crime scene.
In other news: Manchester City in its attempt to finally achieve World Peace, has bought the US 2012 elections.
This just in: QPR manager Neil Warnock fired for comments made to Faysy's Blog.
4 comments:
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