Pakistani Bloggers

September 18, 2012

If Everyone Jumps off a Cliff, will You?

This article is yet another addition to the hoard of articles already out there on the film about the Holy Prophet (SAW) and the reaction (often violent) to its premiere. No, I'm not going to talk about how terrible the filmmakers are, or condemn the equally terrible reaction to it. I will however, talk about us, the apparently 'educated' elite who very snootily brush aside the burnings, killing and all-round violence in retaliation to the film as something 'A minority does' and 'We would never do such a thing' and 'We're enlightened and much better than that' and 'Oh, be a dear and pass the Earl Grey dah'ling. I got Jeeves to gather some turnips from the estate. Do forgive me if they're a bit off-colour; bloody peasants are too lazy to put any effort into their well being'.

"Egad! What ruffian dares put me, Sir Harold of Bigsby on this ghastly whats-its-name blog?"
Taken from: http://www.straighterline.com/blog/post.cfm/what-do-rich-people-think-about-online-learning

I put forward the hypothesis that given the right (or wrong, depending on how you see the whole issue) settings and triggers, we, the people who like to think of ourselves as too refined, la di da and above such base acts can be just as shameless and animal-like as the people we so readily condemn as not 'one of us'.
So who exactly are these men (and women) painting the town red (in flames)? Are they all violent psychopaths who start their day with 'Fire, Water, Burn' ringing on their alarm clocks, eat babies for lunch and shoot adorable puppies 'because the Son of Sam tells us to'? Or are they Anarachists? Or highly trained foreign Agent Provocateurs? Or just thugs? No, they're normal people, possibly low-level members of a political party (sprinkled with a few of the above individuals), possibly from a slightly lower income strata, but not low enough to not have access to a working internet connection and hence, this blog. They are on the whole nice, slightly dyspepsic individuals who like Cricket, ice cream and Pakoras. They have hopes, dreams and ambitions like us. They're also very passionate about certain issues, like their Prophet (SAW), the state of the country etc. In fact, they're getting sick and tired of and frustrated with our country's and Ummah's situation and want change. All that frustration is building up in them and is near tipping point. But they're not murderers or arsonists. Then what causes them to go nuts? Do they all just simultaneously go absolutely bonkers and coincidentally meet up in the streets to throw a big tantrum? No, it's those sinister individuals and groups (Read: The Man) up there who charge them up via obscure logic and fiery speeches and direct their anger to a tangible object (like a US Consulate) and convince them that their violence will yield results or at the very least, let them have a good ol' fashioned smashing (pun intended) time adn let it all out. And suddenly, these normal, friendly neighbourhood citizens are transformed into raving lunatics. Why?

What I'm talking about isn't new, it's an extensively studied psychological phenomenon called Herd Mentality. Monkey see, monkey do. It's when we yield to peer pressure. We exhibit much milder forms of this extremism in our taste in clothes, food, vocabulary etc. Of course, since that doesn't affect the world and isn't brought into the limelight by the media, we miss the connection (Unless you're a hipster. Then that fact is paraded by the media and your very existence depends on the fact that you go with the flow of going against the flow, something like Shane McGowan constantly bickering with The Pogues. See what I pulled off there? ;) )
And I say that if everyone else in your group of friends is doing it, so will you. Even if its something as terrible as murder. Except when you do it (God Forbid), you'll be calling it heroic. Remember Abu Ghraib, lynching in the early 20th century in the US, the London Riots? Heck, when the Boston Bruins beat the Vancouver Canucks in the Stanley Cup finals (Ice Hockey), the city of Vancouver pulled a city of Karachi! And at least we riot for lack of electricity and other important stuff! We all like instant gratification. We don't have the patience to see change through to the end. We can't accept the fact that our efforts may not yield fruit in our lifetime, or even at all. We forget that we will get our reward in the afterlife, inshaAllah. And that is because of a lack of patience and faith in Allah SWT.
I'd like to talk about an incident that I witnessed a few years back. It was a football final between my school and another. Both are prestigious schools (despite the jokes we make about them) where we have top students of Karachi enrolled. Anyway, my school was losing and a storm was brewing in the spectators on our side. Things reached fever pitch when a couple of guys on our side filled a bottle with urine and threw it at the other school's spectators. Sure it was just 2 guys but it was really a culmination of our anger and shame. While we all condemned it then, when you hear many people recount that episode now, its with a hint of a smile and fondness and not with overt disgust. Point is, throwing a bottle of urine is something we'd never do or condone any day of the week. But it happened. We become irrational when things heat up.
There's an incident in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, where a mob gathers outside the town lawyer's office to lynch a black man. It's a small town so the people who make up the mob are well known to the lawyer, Mr. Atticus Finch. In fact, he's even helped some of them out (one of them being a Mr. Cunningham) and is well respected in the town. The mob is inadvertently diffused by the presence of Atticus' daughter. After the mob disperses, Atticus tells his daughter, 
“A mob's always made up of people, no matter what. Mr. Cunningham was part of a mob last night, but he was still a man. Every mob in every little Southern town is always made up of people you know--doesn't say much for them, does it?"
Phil Zimbardo, an eminent psychologist who has contributed a lot to our knowledge of herd mentality conducted an infamous Stanford Prison Experiment, where:
Twenty-four male students out of 75 were selected to take on randomly assigned roles of prisoners and guards in a mock prison situated in the basement of the Stanford psychology building. The participants adapted to their roles well beyond Zimbardo's expectations, as the guards enforced authoritarian measures and ultimately subjected some of the prisoners to psychological torture. Many of the prisoners passively accepted psychological abuse and, at the request of the guards, readily harassed other prisoners who attempted to prevent it. The experiment even affected Zimbardo himself, who, in his role as the superintendent, permitted the abuse to continue. Two of the prisoners quit the experiment early and the entire experiment was abruptly stopped after only six days. (Source: Wikipedia)
24 males were conditioned to become sadists. And they were university students, just like us. Who's to say that we can't fall into the same trap?
Here's an interesting TED talk (more pertinent to the male gender) by Zimbardo who says that one reason all this violence exists is because of our addiction to being high. And that may lead to 'the demise of guys', as the video is called.
http://www.ted.com/talks/zimchallenge.html

I'd like to conclude with the following:
1. All that violence could also be you. Guard against letting your emotions override reason.
2. Every irrational decision you make, you're edging one step closer to this insanity. And we all are    irrational regularly.
3. If we get a charismatic leader who promises us quick results (Like the all new Ariel that also promises quick results), be wary (By results, I mean anything that makes us feel good, like the feeling that we're united, or that change has begun, not necessarily meeting the objectives we set out to achieve in the first place, in this case, a banning of the film). Germany made that mistake with Hitler.
4. Be strong. Don't let your friends change you for the worse. If you feel they will,  try to change your friends. If you feel you can't do that, change your friends. Trust me, you'll thank me later on.


September 4, 2012

Chuddy Buddies

When you're all emo and feel like crap, there are 3 kinds of people who will come to your aid:
1) Those who will be on your side and comfort you through thick and thin, even if you're as hopelessly wrong as Christopher Columbus in a fog ("Hey, I just discovered Heaven! Hey who set it on fire?"). A classic example of such a person would be your spouse during the honeymoon phase (and hopefully after that too). Lets take Hitler and Eva Braun:
Hitler: Ach! those Schtinken Allies have taken Berlin. Alles ist lost! Vats the point of living now?
Eva: Awww, Mein Fuhrer, as it happens, I have 2 cyanide pills. Let's do this.
Hitler: Baby, you really take the 'Love me in life and death' part seriously, don't you?

2)Then there are those loved ones who will give support with some constructive well-meaning advice. Read: Your Mom.
Let's take Hitler again:
Hitler: Mutti, Mutti, those Schtinken Allies have taken Berlin!
Hitler's Mom: Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson, Dolfi; don't wage a war against the Jews, you'll need their money!
Hitler: *Makes a face and starts sulking*

3) And the last type: those idiotic friends who comfort you and simultaneously kick you where it hurts when you're down: "Don't be sad man! She just wasn't meant for you! How does that saying go, "50th time lucky"?"
Another Hitler scenario:
Von Ribbentrop: No, no, Mein Fuhrer. Keep the mustache. Einstein's got one too.
Hitler: @#$%

August 19, 2012

Please Fill out these Forms in Triplicate, Sir.

Heisenberg's Uncertainty principle applies to the world of physics, the jist of it being that any measurement taken of a physical quantity affects its absolute value (basically the act of measuring something will affect your reading, e.g. using a ruler to measure length will affect the length. You can ignore this effect if you're measuring stuff in micrometres, but it becomes significant when you measure tiny stuff like atoms). I think we can extrapolate this idea to sociological studies. Making subjects aware that they are part of a study could possibly prejudice the results. Very few people consent to be part of a study for the 'greater good of science', but have some sort of vested interest, or lack thereof. Some are being paid and so may want to give the 'right' answers instead of being objective, in the hope that they 'please' the hands that feed them. On the other hand, some people are 'forced' to become lab rats. They may be a part of an organization say, a students at a university, who are required to fill feedback forms at the end of lectures, rating lecturers. Being forced to fill these at the end of every lecture, they naturally get tired of doing so and stop. Or even if they do, it's just a formality and they put in random numbers. Whichever white-collar yuppy is analyzing them will see that lots of people are rating professor X 5/5 and will falsely think that he/she is a great lecturer, whereas in reality, most of the kids are filling the numbers randomly. Hence, the data gathered is not truly representative. So what will happen is that if the lecturer is brilliant or crap, people will fill forms. If so-so, forms are returned empty. Which means that in the subsequent analysis, the faculty will see that the university has teachers at opposite ends of the spectrum, whereas MOST of the teachers are inbetweeners (or what statisticians like to call a normal distribution).
So what do we do about this? Beats me. I'm too lazy to think of ideas. Besides I'll falsely pass this off as trying to engage my readers. Your thoughts?
Come to think of it, I'm sure there's a sociological term for the content of this post. Again, I'm pulling the lazy card.

August 11, 2012

Gimme the Bad News First.

I hate following the news. I see absolutely no point to it, except in certain circumstances. It's a total waste of time. Here's why:
First, I'll have you know that I have a vision in my life, and that is to live according to the tenets of Islam and be a Muslim who is, in a phrase I proudly coined, 'an explosion of awesomeness' (Yeah yeah, start the suicide bomber jokes already). Wherever, I go, I leave behind a trail of awesomeness. Like the Nyan Cat (minus the rainbow jet (and all that implies) coming from my rear end)




My goal is Jannah inshaAllah. Now how do I achieve all this?
By fulfilling all my responsibilities. Responsibilities as a slave of Allah SWT, son, husband (yes, alhamdulillah I got married to the most awesome woman (mashaAllah) on the planet in March, which explains my blog hiatus), medical student, grandson, friend, to my own body etc. Now that's a lot of responsibilities. And I have only 24 hours a day to fulfil them. Here's what I have to do:
I have to sleep, eat, exercise, drink water (my obligation to my body).
I have to pray 5 times a day, try for Tahajjud (easier said than done), do Hifz, increase my knowledge of Islam (My obligation to Allah SWT)
I have to study for Med School, study for my USMLEs, do research (My obligation to society)
I have to spend time with my family, especially parents and grandparents, which includes chores (My obligation to my family)
I have to spend time with my wife and in-laws (My obligation to my wife and in-laws)
I have to spend time with my friends (My obligation to my friends)
And many more small things that I don't realize I'm doing but are important too.
(although I use the harsh word 'obligation', I alhamdulillah enjoy all of the above so it's not like I'm teetering on depression)
Point being, I have so much to do in only 24 hours. I have to prioritize even in these obligations, which begs the question, 'Do I have time for anything else?' A resounding NO.
Everything I do has to have a point, be it long term or short term. The same applies to gaining knowledge. I gain knowledge in Medical School. That knowledge will help me become a better doc inshaAllah and hence, help society. Gaining knowledge about my deen will help my akhirah. But gaining knowledge about what's going on in the world today, how does that help? Will I be able to use the knowledge for good. Can I do anything if people are dying in Iraq? Yes, make dua, but other than that? It sounds apathetic but one must be practical. I have set goals to help the Muslim world. I also realize that I cannot help every single Muslim on Earth unfortunately. Yes, if I were in a position of responsibility, like in politics, I should be up to date on affairs. Now I hear you all say, "But it's a democracy (officially at least)! We can influence policy and therefore should be up to date with the going ons in the world!" Fair enough, but beside the fact that I have a bone to pick with democracy in the form its practised in today (but that's a different story. Suffice it to say that my views can be summarised by Plato's words, 'Rule of the ignorant many over the knowledgeable few'), even gaining knowledge about the news from news sources that are obviously biased taints our view on things and  can be (and are) abused to swing public views.
However, one must keep up to date related to one's fields of interest. As an aspiring doctor, I must know what's going on in the world of Medicine. As a resident of Karachi, I must know what's happening in my city; not which political party at which party's thraots, but where, say, am I most likely to hit a traffic jam when I'm on my way back from University. However, I should also have a vague idea of what's going on in the world (no details, just delete the adjectives to get the facts. A favourite line from Harper Lee's 'To Kill a Mockingbird')
Finally, because of the way the human mind works, we believe stuff without question. To question everything would waste a lot of time and drive us nuts. We have to take somethings as axiomatic. One of these things that we take to be gospel truth is the news. And since the news only reports something out of the ordinary (Who'd watch the news if it gave you a list of the people who were NOT killed today?). Because of this 'bad news clustering' we tend to make out the world's situation to worse off than it actually is. And that causes us to take irrational decisions. For example, news of killings of Karachi, though only a fraction of the city's population, causes us to exaggerate the issue and hence become more paranoid than necessary. See my old post for clarity http://faysy.blogspot.com/2011/08/fear-and-loathing-in-karachi.html

January 9, 2012

Faysy's Blog: Football/soccer edition

The footballing world is abuzz with transfer speculation, surprise signings, scandal and big money. And Faysy's Blog is up there with the Sun in giving you the latest skinny (Wink! Wink!). Here's some of the stuff going on that only we know about (So remember, you heard it here first!):

After Arsenal resigned club legend Henry and Manchester United resigned club legend Paul Scholes, West Ham United boss Sam Allardyce releases a statement exclusively to Faysy's Blog saying that he was considering resigning their club legend Carlos Tevez. In a matter of minutes, an angry mob gathered outside Upton Park chanting, "Judas! Judas!" and threatened to burn Allardyce's house down if he did sign the controversial Argentine. A hastily worded statement was promptly released: 'Oops. Apparently I was unaware of some vital club history. Awkwarrrd."

After the returns of Gunner talismanic striker Thierry Henry and United old boy Paul Scholes to their respective former clubs, Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish is considering jumping onto the bandwagon of signing legends to pull clubs out of pickles by considering the unprecedented move of resigning himself (pun intended) to Liverpool for the rest of his life. In an exclusive interview with Faysy's blog the witty Scotsman revealed why:
"Wellluh, we've got one white elephant of a striker who only scores in the FA coop against Mickey Mouse sides (no offence meant) and another who puns on the 'N-word' and will land himself in gaol (forgive the pun) one of these days if he's not careful. So I figure, if it all works out for Manchester Uni'ed and Arsenal, why not sign meself? After all, the last time we won the league was when I was player-manager. Heck, I'm desperate."

After Liverpool's misfiring Andy Carroll finally ended his goal drought via an FA cup goal against Oldham Athletic, Chelsea boss AVB is rumoured to be lining up a record 80-million-pound deal for the pony-tailed striker. Harvard Professor of Psychology and fashionista Sean Avery claims that it is not Liverpool's sloppy seconds that Chelsea have a strange affinity for. According to him, "That would make no sense. An oft-overlooked fact that stares at us right in the face (literally) is that Chelsea in an effort to distract its fans from its boring football makes a conscious effort to sign players with interesting haircuts. Please remember that a season ago, Mario Balotelli had been backup in case the Torres deal didn't fall through (http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/836006-mario-balotelli-in-chelsea-manchester-city-transfer-battle). Forget that- David Luiz anyone?"

Just hours ago, QPR manager Neil Warnock shook the footballing world in an exclusive interview with Faysy's Blog. He said that as a long term replacement for Joey Barton, he is considering buying American boxing legend Mike Tyson. Says the wily Warnock, "Heck, I say that if the player's got to be sent off, he might as well take the other guy's ear with him, put him on the sidelines for months, maybe even years!"

In an exclusive interview with Faysy's Blog, Real Madrid's headline-grabbing manager Jose Mourinho has struck upon a brand new strategy to deal with his club's bad form against Catalan club and rivals Barcelona; he will stop believing in their existence. Says the outspoken Jose, "This is unprecedented, unparalleled, revolutionary method of dealing with any club. They say that if you ignore problem long enough, it goes away. Fantastic." When asked if this bold move could be interpreted by Barca as throwing in the towel, the effervescent manager retorted: "Shut up Faysy! Absolutely not. The atheists do it everyday and no one calls them cowards. Be champions."

Former Tottenham, Portsmouth, Villa, Southampton, Liverpool and current Stoke City striker Peter Crouch is rumoured to be yet again in the hunt for a new club. Clubs reported to be interested include Crystal Palace, Chelsea, Manchester City and the Dallas Mavericks.

Injury-prone Manchester City midfielder Owen Hargreaves took some time out from his R&R at the Etihad Stadium to talk to us via webcam about his career (or lack of one), injuries and that one time when he wasn't injured for a whole consecutive 2 months. An excerpt from the interview:
"Q. So Owen, how have you been keeping busy during your time on the sidelines?
A. Well Faysy, I'm good at two things: football and putting up Youtube videos of myself, and I'm not so sure about the former. Frankly, I've never been on the pitch long enough for me to see if I am good at the sport. Since I'm good with Youtube and have a lot of time to spare, I've uploaded a few videos of myself performing brain surgery. They're short videos, since I usually have to switch off the webcam and make myself scarce whenever I hear security making its rounds of the hospital I'm at. I'm hoping hospitals will see the videos and hire me.
Q. Any success so far?
A. Not really, with the exception of a university in Pakistan which claims to be the 'Harvard of the East'. Dunno, seems fishy."
In completely unrelated news: Hospitals around the UK have stepped up security after a string of murders in their ICUs. Comatose patients were found with their heads severely mutilated. Police have no leads except some eyewitnesses who claim they saw a man in a blue shirt and a limp hobbling away from the crime scene.

In other news: Manchester City in its attempt to finally achieve World Peace, has bought the US 2012 elections.

This just in: QPR manager Neil Warnock fired for comments made to Faysy's Blog.
 
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