Alhamdulillah it's over a year since I got married to the most amazing woman on the planet. So the other day I was reflecting on the pot (pun intended), where I usually get my most creative ideas and I remembered how in my childhood I had always imagined that finding a wife would be similar to choosing your first Pokemon. Yes I said it. Possibly the most sexist statement ever; degrading to women the world over- first there's the word 'choosing', then the perceived meanings of 'Gotta Catch 'em all', there being 151 to choose from (Pokemon became lame after 'Mewtwo Strikes Back'), how the Pokemon were 'repressed' in Pokeballs and how some brave Pokemon like Ash's Pikachu refused to be forced into that tiny shell of a ball, instead choosing to became more like friends to their 'masters' instead of mere fighting pets (possibly the earliest origins of the Pokemon Suffragette Movement). Hey, is that Germaine Greer knocking at my door?
Now hold up, hold up. Before you burn me at the stake, Double G, do take into account the fact that I was just around 9 years old then. I was caught up in the Pokemon craze and I drew the parallel out of pure innocence! Yes, you can blame society's brainwashing for creating an environment conducive to drawing such a parallel yada yada yada, but I'll leave all that bigger picture stuff to you. I'm just telling it as it was.
The idea of finding a wife (there, I said 'finding', not 'choosing') had always fascinated me since early childhood, well before Pokemon even came into existence. It was intriguing how there are about 3 billion women on the planet unrelated to me and therefore potentially marriage material and how (theoretically) i could end up spending my adult life with any one of them. It was like a raffle where the odds were really stacked against you (if you're really picky) or really going for you (if she has ovaries, it's a-go!).
Then when I found out about Pokemon, it all came together. That fascination that I got from going into the 'tall grass' in search of wild Pokemon loaded with a bunch of Pokeballs was identical to searching for my wife! Remember, I hadn't hit puberty yet so they both were equally appealing to me at the time. Not anymore, I assure you.
The allegory doesn't stop there though. When you'd start the game on the Gameboy Colour, you'd leave your house and roam around for a while completely lost (the-too-shy-to-approach-the-ladies phase), then you'd accidentally stumble upon the 'tall grass' where the 'wild women/Pokemon' were (the-embarrassing-first-attempts-at-flirting phase). But before you could step into this 'hazardous' zone, the game would freeze and your mom/Professor Oak would rush to you and tell you it's not safe to wade into the big bad world of strange women/Pokemon without a weapon. Then you went to the lab and got your weapon/wife. If it was the Yellow version you played, you had no choice and got into an arranged marriage with Pikachu and you had to keep turning to her and see if she loved you yet (initially Pikachu would frown at you. At one point , in the game, Pikachu even fell in love with a Jigglypuff, that cheating %*#@$). If you were playing any of the other versions, you at least got to choose between 3- the fiery one, the wet blanket and the green hippy (Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur respectively). Once you chose (I invariably picked the fiery Charmander), only then could you start your journey of becoming a Pokemon master. As you'd journey further and your Pokemon grew, you'd need to earn badges/raises to earn her respect and hence obedience. The allegory stops here I think. Unless you're Mormon. Then the whole Pokemon world is just one big projection of Utah. Gotta catch 'em All!
Oh, one more allegory. You'd always go into the tall grass hoping against hope you'd catch an exotic Pokemon like a Rapidash but you'd always end up with a common stupid Pidgey (who however, if you cared for properly, would blossom into the awesome Pidgeot). Well, I know I caught a Rapidash. Regal, beautiful, fiery.
Cutest Pokemon (in descending order):
1. Jigglypuff (I could get lost in those eyes)
2. Mew
3. Pikachu
4. Ponyta
5. Butterfree
6. Charmander
7. Squirtle
8. Eevee
Most beautiful Pokemon (in descending order):
1. Rapidash
2. Ninetales
3. Flareon
4. Arcanine
5. Vaporeon
Ugliest Pokemon (In descending order):
1. Magikarp
2. Magikarp
3. Magikarp
4. Jynx
5. Abra
6. Muk
7. Porygon
Coolest Pokemon (in descending order):
1. Charizard (You know dat's right, eh boys?)
2. Scyther
3. Gyrados
4. Articuno
5. Zapdos (never really liked Moltres. Always thought she looked like a Fearow on fire. And with attacks like Drill Peck, you know Fearow is going to nag nag nag)
Now, how's THAT for objectifying women? Nothing objectifies like lists. Do comment below and tell me who your top ladies, err, I mean Pokemon are.
