He was your run-of-the-mill tycoon- eccentric, greying and slightly stooped with a whiff of cabbage about him. His was the run-of-the-mill rags-to-riches story. He was a Jew. Run-of-the-mill rags-to-riches tycoons usually are. Which of course means that he was the only survivor of the gas chambers in his village and that he escaped to the US of A aboard a luxury liner as a stowaway. Which also obviously means he started off as a lowly stable boy in New York, but used his street smarts, Hebrew good looks and dog-like perseverance to become Brooklyn's finest horse whisperer. He had made his first million by 12 and lost his first billion by 12 and a half (What happens in Vegas...) And the rest, as they say, is a rip-off of Jeffery Archer's Cane and Abel. He was a 32nd degree Freemason and Honorary Shriner. He had the world's top engineers and architects flown in to construct the world's highest skyscraper, just so he could live in a penthouse at the top complete with helipad, swimming pool and clap-on disco ball. Because he was a recluse and generally hated mankind, he decreed that all the other floors of his Tower of Babel were to be kept free of people. So the floors were fitted with lighting, elevators, offices and condos complete with furniture, the works (there was even a Burger King on the 13th floor), but they were kept Homo-Sapien free and instead peopled by mannequins (which gave the place the appearance of that nuclear test site in 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull'). However, he forgot to apprise the top flown-in engineers and architects of his intentions. So they made their calculations assuming that the weight of all the human beings present in the building would stabilize it, shifting its centre of gravity to a fairly low point. Naturally, the building crumpled as fast as a pack of Made-in-China cards under the impact of the champagne bottle he smashed on one of its 4 walls at its grand opening ceremony (which was so grand, it made the Olympic opening ceremony look as exciting as the opening of an old-folk home).
At one point, he became acutely aware of the utter loneliness and lack of love and companionship in his life, so he went out and bought a dog. That didn't work out well for him, so he traded it with a 10 year old for her Tamagotchi. This Tamagotchi was the first and last love of his life. He would spend hours feeding it cake and taking it to its virtual bathroom to take a virtual dump, and he sobbed like a baby when its batteries ran out.
Keeping in line with the Run-of-the-mill Rags-to-riches Jewish Tycoon's manual, he was consumed with regret over how he had spent his life when he was diagnosed with Sammy Sosa's disease, an ailment where the core of your brain is gradually replaced with a substance not unlike cork (famous people tend to only suffer from diseases named after other famous people; they're pretty stuck up that way). So he set off on a journey of self actualization and discovery across many remote and exotic countries whose natives sang, danced, lived off the land and had lots of children. He hoped to learn their secret to happiness and Nirvana. He returned with a really bad case of malaria and an 'I went on a Journey of Self-actualization and Discovery and all I got was this Stupid T-shirt' T-shirt.
When he finally succumbed to his disease, his final words on Earth were 'Rosebud', which was the unlimited money cheat of his favourite people simulator computer game.
